First and foremost, I want to mention the end of the lifespan of a blog I've read for about five years now, if memory serves me correctly. I believe there will be no more mentioning of the blog Cardiac Outbursts, and I hope it has served my good friend Lexa well. Through my time, I've come to see a blog as not just the self-centered ravings of an egoist (as I once believed), but more the public, and yet somehow private and personal, journal of a person that has the need to express their ideas, ideals, and thoughts to the world, even if the world doesn't read it. Just a shame the blog shut down before I was able to read the final post.
Now, on to the self-centered ravings of this egoist, ha. I had an odd year last year. Not bad, just different. Next to no stress, looking back I spent the whole year in leisure. And you know what? I'm not sure I like it. I got next to nothing accomplished. School? That's expected. Better at guitar? I expect that of myself too. Other than that, I am no more proficient in anything that is of much consequence. I wonder if this is how most office workers feel. In their spare time, not accomplishing much, and in their professional lives just trudging through. I certainly hope that's not what's in store for all of us when we move on to our careers, we'd go insane. I've long believed the majority of my generation has no real drive, dreams, ambitions. I've heard it said that success will only be yours when you want it more than you want to breathe. I, for one, don't know if I want it that badly. There are very few things I do want that much, and success isn't one of them. I wonder if that's a good thing. Wonder if that's what has made this past year feel so empty. If I'm ok with that. And, sometimes, if I'm the only one I know that bothers to think about these things. Surely I must not be, after all, although minds don't think alike they certainly call to each other in such a way that is immensely interesting. Do we seek out other people with similar thinking processes, or do we just discard all others in our minds? What shapes our circle of influence? Our personality certainly, but is that all? Is there some unknown that pulls people together, are we in contact with all those we are in contact with for a reason? I have some ideas, but as with all things I find interesting, no matter what I think about it it still makes an interesting thought to paw at in your mind, or out loud with another mind that also finds these things interesting (or at least will humor you by joining in your desire to suss this out for a short while).
Hm. This post went differently than I had planned. That's ok. Just think about it. I think self-reflection is important. You have to know yourself, and to know yourself you have to think about yourself. Why do you make the decisions you make? Think the thoughts you think? Do the things you do? Or, perhaps more importantly (and on the other side of the coin), why do you NOT do or think certain things? It's ok if you don't answer questions like this at first, but I've found it opens your mind. Leaves you freer to express, and more easygoing and calm when you come across a conflicting situation. Knowing yourself leaves you free to act (or restrain yourself from acting) when life requires an immediate response. Maybe sometime soon I'll reveal how some of that inward thinking shaped me last year, or perhaps I'll keep that to myself for a while yet. I'll go see what I want, a kind of (amusing) consultation with oneself.
This year, I think we must look in to gain a clear view on what we're constantly looking out at. Think. Please.
