Lo(I'm)ve. Beatuiful, difficult, intricate, pure, flowing, wonderful. Yup, I'm in love. With music. Honestly, if I ever meet a person that's flowing, I'll call the hospital because people shouldn't flow. Seriously. Anywho, I've been going through some work. Been writing more of Aurora, which should make Lexa happy. Composing some stuff. Practicing guitar like crazy, haven't played a video game in over a week. Got a violin. Been practicing that. Working with Photoshop, making my own brush sets. Recording some picking patterns, when I get around to it I'll be working on getting songs done. Maybe I'll post some. Meh. Not much else going on. On the relationship front, I don't have anything going. No time to get to know anyone. Meh. I can deal. On the reading front, I've only got one book to go before I'm out of reading material. Dang. Well, that's about it. Until next time.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A Friend Is More Precious Than Gold
Today, I was with friends. Saw Avatar, went to get food. Got caught up on a few moments in our years apart. It felt... Good. Right. It was a great feeling, one I wish I had more often. Kind of like the feeling you get from a loving romantic relationship, but without the romance. Do you know this feeling? Can you feel it now? If you cannot feel it, try. If you are unfamiliar, familarize yourself. And then will you know the greatness that is friendship. Man was not meant to be alone... And in his wait, he has... Allies... Comrades... Friends. Find them out, and feel this feeling. Roses are #FF0000, but friendship is worth more than gold.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Who Gets The Rose?
I was praying today for my future wife, whoever it may be. It feels kind of odd praying for someone that I may not even know yet, but I guess it kind of makes sense. I want to be ready when she comes by. I want to be set up, prepared, stuff like that. Even though that's in the future, thinking of then reminds me of the past. Brings back memories of me praying for that girl I was dating, or the one I wanted to be dating, or even the one I didn't want to date. For their wellbeing, their endeavours, their general life. Then it never felt odd, so why does it feel odd now? I guess then I knew personally the person I was praying for. Knew them by their full name. And now I'm not sure what their name is. Only that they're out there, somewhere, maybe praying for me as well. And that's a nice thought to a lover-boy like me.
Well, I said I might have a word to say on me and my cliffhanger ending on the 4th, and I do. And the word is that I'm not sure what I should say. Really, if we were to make a list there could be many. A list for girls I find attractive, for ones I think I have a great personality, for ones I'd like to know better, and on and on and on it could go. So I'm just not sure what to put here. One of those lists? Girls I used to like but am not sure if I still do? Girls I'd like to like me? Or maybe a detailed list on why I think that wondering about all this stuff is useless, and yet I do it anyways? I don't know. Do you?
Roses are #FF0000,
And I wonder;
Who to give mine to?
Well, I said I might have a word to say on me and my cliffhanger ending on the 4th, and I do. And the word is that I'm not sure what I should say. Really, if we were to make a list there could be many. A list for girls I find attractive, for ones I think I have a great personality, for ones I'd like to know better, and on and on and on it could go. So I'm just not sure what to put here. One of those lists? Girls I used to like but am not sure if I still do? Girls I'd like to like me? Or maybe a detailed list on why I think that wondering about all this stuff is useless, and yet I do it anyways? I don't know. Do you?
Roses are #FF0000,
And I wonder;
Who to give mine to?
Friday, December 4, 2009
Ink drops on plain parchment
Because I promised that I would, here is my blog post for today: life has been going well. Got my headphones, my quill, AC2, stuff like that. Learned some new songs on guitar, transposing songs for my ocarina, looking at new (actually, old, but more on that later) instruments. Reading, writing, re-writing, gaming, training, caring, getting emotional, taking trips into my past and praying for my future. An average procession of stuff going on in my life. But again, more on that later.
First off, my stuff. Hoping to get the new skillet Alive CD. It's good stuff, and I had a great time at their concert at the House of Blues in November. My quill is great, and finally holds ink like it should. Or maybe I just finally started writing at the correct angle. Meh. It builds patience, and I just love the antiquated feel of my quill scratching its way across acid-free moleskine paper, after being dipped into a jar of a fine dark Italian ink. It's almost poetic. Then there's my new headphones, which are over-ear models. Not only do they have great sound quality, but they keep my ears warm in the cold! Sweet. For Christmas I'm gonna try and convince my whole family to pitch in for one gift for me as opposed to many: and that would be an acoustic-electric violin. Great tone, with all the perks of being able to plug in. The mid range model I want is like $500 though. But it's a steal compared to the one I really want, which is a ZETA that costs around $1,300. But yeah, I don't have my hopes too high. And, like I said earlier, while it would be a new instrument, it wouldn't be too terribly new to me. You see, the violin was my first instrument. I started at around 7, and then had to give it back when I transfered schools because my violin was on loan to me. So I would really like to pick it up again.
Anywho, off of stuff and onto me, which is what blogging is mostly about, right? Right now I'm kind of working through some simple and complex emotions, mostly of the variety that I regularly blog about. I guess you could say I'm in love with all aspects of love, and that makes being single annoying as all heck. But I'm used to that feeling, so I just gotta wait around for a bit I guess. It's rather hard waiting though. Anywho, because I know you'll be wondering, yes, I do darn near always like someone, and yes, right now is included in that time frame. But I can leave that for a later post. Aside from that, I can't think of anything else to write about today. So, in standard fashion, Roses are #FF0000, and so is my heart.
First off, my stuff. Hoping to get the new skillet Alive CD. It's good stuff, and I had a great time at their concert at the House of Blues in November. My quill is great, and finally holds ink like it should. Or maybe I just finally started writing at the correct angle. Meh. It builds patience, and I just love the antiquated feel of my quill scratching its way across acid-free moleskine paper, after being dipped into a jar of a fine dark Italian ink. It's almost poetic. Then there's my new headphones, which are over-ear models. Not only do they have great sound quality, but they keep my ears warm in the cold! Sweet. For Christmas I'm gonna try and convince my whole family to pitch in for one gift for me as opposed to many: and that would be an acoustic-electric violin. Great tone, with all the perks of being able to plug in. The mid range model I want is like $500 though. But it's a steal compared to the one I really want, which is a ZETA that costs around $1,300. But yeah, I don't have my hopes too high. And, like I said earlier, while it would be a new instrument, it wouldn't be too terribly new to me. You see, the violin was my first instrument. I started at around 7, and then had to give it back when I transfered schools because my violin was on loan to me. So I would really like to pick it up again.
Anywho, off of stuff and onto me, which is what blogging is mostly about, right? Right now I'm kind of working through some simple and complex emotions, mostly of the variety that I regularly blog about. I guess you could say I'm in love with all aspects of love, and that makes being single annoying as all heck. But I'm used to that feeling, so I just gotta wait around for a bit I guess. It's rather hard waiting though. Anywho, because I know you'll be wondering, yes, I do darn near always like someone, and yes, right now is included in that time frame. But I can leave that for a later post. Aside from that, I can't think of anything else to write about today. So, in standard fashion, Roses are #FF0000, and so is my heart.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A drop of ink and flick of the pen leads to lies
Haven't posted in a while. So it's time for an update. I'm sure you know, but I've started writing a book. It's taking a bit more effort than I anticipated. I keep inadvertently changing tenses, past to present. It's getting annoying reading over what I've written and changing things back. But it's still nice. I need my test readers though because while I can clearly see what I mean when I write, I need to know that others can see it too. So they're important to me, and I am ever thankful. And, also, I should have a couple pages done by the month ending.
On another note, I finally got my PS3 Saturday. PS3 slim, 120GB model. It's nice. Got MGS4 for it, and just finished. That was an emotional ride. Most people don't see it this way, but it's really just like an interactive movie, and because of this you really start to care about characters and stuff. Anywho, that game is insane. A dual-layered Blue Ray disk and it still needs to install some of itself to the hard drive. Amazing. And it looks good. Very good. I'm gonna play through again and see if I can't beat it on every difficulty like I have for the other games. That's part of the reason I'm even good at games. Practice. Funny, most people don't think you have to practice for video games. But you do.
As always, I currently have people issues. I wonder, sometimes, that maybe if I stopped trying to make others happy, I'd finally succeed in doing just that. But then I realize that if I stop trying I'd just end up being selfish and rude. Not something I wanna be.
Got a new deck of cards. Been practicing my tricks, and I dare say that I've got enough for a short show. They're cool as all heck.
Maybe why I never have enough time is because I have too many hobbies. Writing, gaming, reading, coding, music, climbing, camping, paintballing, and all that other stuff. I wonder sometimes if I'm an outgoing Techie or just an outdoorsman that doesn't get enough opportunities to go out. That's why I started gaming and reading in the first place. Never got out much with friends and was uninterested with my families stuff, so I started drawing within, spending a lot of time lost in thought or in a world fabricated by some writer or game developer. Maybe that's why I even like the spread of things that I do. Most can be done alone, and almost all of them provide an escape from others, from the world. Even writing like this. My words paint the world that I currently choose to hide in. A blank landscape becoming lush green forests or claustrophobic urban environments, all with a flick of the pen and a few drops of ink. I wonder if it's bad that I can think this way about my life. Totally removed, as if I were just another character in a story. Which I am, we all are, but still. I wonder if I'll ever find someone who shares my opinions that I can be with. Most people don't understand this, but I crave friendship. People think I'd rather stay home and play games or read or something. While that's true of family activities, it's not for anything else. I'd rather go to the park with some friends and hang out than stay at home and read, write, or play. Oh well.
Speaking of writing, I think I'm gonna start another blog. Do some running commentaries on my friend Chris' blog, backing up his stories with verses and my own concepts. Throwing up a few of my own just for fun. Maybe. I'll get around to it.
So my friend Lexa is nervous about going to college today. I wish her the best, and also hope things go well with her parents and her current relational stress. I send you my best.
I've decided to change my gamer tag. Sb521 is dead. I'm changing to Swift. Don't ask why, it just is. Which leads me to another point, which is that with some small close inspection, I'm actually a very transparent person. What I wear and what I do are both extremely representative of how I feel. Besides the staple chain and watch, everything else represents something important to me. Almost nothing that I do is without purpose. I just hope someone I see often notices, because I really want someone to understand me. It's hard, being what people see as a "difficult" person to understand, when in all reality I'm probably the easiest. Maybe people just understand the random better than the systematic. Which is a shame. But I guess is also good for them. Take, for example, one of my friends. Be careful to note I'm not talking about myself. Really. Like, I'm not being sly or anything, I really am talking about someone besides me. So, anywho, this guy likes a girl. She knows. Because of this, when she walks into a room she expects him to flock to her like none other and hang off her every word. This never happens. No, first he goes and does something says hi to everyone else, and acts like he didn't see her. He finally gets around to saying hello to her. Now, I've heard that this doesn't make sense. If he likes her, he should make her a priority. Right? Wrong. Because he likes her, she'll almost never be first. Why? Because he doesn't want it to look like he likes her. Doesn't want people to take notice. Because of this, he pretends like his heart doesn't leap when they're in the same room, like his pulse doesn't rise from their short, friendly embrace. It makes perfect sense that if he likes her, and they're not a couple, he'll try his best to pretend like there's nothing happening to him. Maybe I can see it because I'm the same way. Trying not to let my emotions crowd out my logic and rule my life. But hey, maybe it's just the two of us. I'll never know.
Well, wasn't this a wide-spread post? I guess this is what I get for not posting in a while. Good thing I wrote this during my commute. Otherwise I'd probably have something else to occupy my time with. Well, I'll be writing, and hopefully become so immersed in my fabricated world that when I finally pull myself out of it that I'll leave a perfect place for my reader, and that they too can enjoy my fabrication. Roses are #FF000, and I've realized most of the world is a lie.
On another note, I finally got my PS3 Saturday. PS3 slim, 120GB model. It's nice. Got MGS4 for it, and just finished. That was an emotional ride. Most people don't see it this way, but it's really just like an interactive movie, and because of this you really start to care about characters and stuff. Anywho, that game is insane. A dual-layered Blue Ray disk and it still needs to install some of itself to the hard drive. Amazing. And it looks good. Very good. I'm gonna play through again and see if I can't beat it on every difficulty like I have for the other games. That's part of the reason I'm even good at games. Practice. Funny, most people don't think you have to practice for video games. But you do.
As always, I currently have people issues. I wonder, sometimes, that maybe if I stopped trying to make others happy, I'd finally succeed in doing just that. But then I realize that if I stop trying I'd just end up being selfish and rude. Not something I wanna be.
Got a new deck of cards. Been practicing my tricks, and I dare say that I've got enough for a short show. They're cool as all heck.
Maybe why I never have enough time is because I have too many hobbies. Writing, gaming, reading, coding, music, climbing, camping, paintballing, and all that other stuff. I wonder sometimes if I'm an outgoing Techie or just an outdoorsman that doesn't get enough opportunities to go out. That's why I started gaming and reading in the first place. Never got out much with friends and was uninterested with my families stuff, so I started drawing within, spending a lot of time lost in thought or in a world fabricated by some writer or game developer. Maybe that's why I even like the spread of things that I do. Most can be done alone, and almost all of them provide an escape from others, from the world. Even writing like this. My words paint the world that I currently choose to hide in. A blank landscape becoming lush green forests or claustrophobic urban environments, all with a flick of the pen and a few drops of ink. I wonder if it's bad that I can think this way about my life. Totally removed, as if I were just another character in a story. Which I am, we all are, but still. I wonder if I'll ever find someone who shares my opinions that I can be with. Most people don't understand this, but I crave friendship. People think I'd rather stay home and play games or read or something. While that's true of family activities, it's not for anything else. I'd rather go to the park with some friends and hang out than stay at home and read, write, or play. Oh well.
Speaking of writing, I think I'm gonna start another blog. Do some running commentaries on my friend Chris' blog, backing up his stories with verses and my own concepts. Throwing up a few of my own just for fun. Maybe. I'll get around to it.
So my friend Lexa is nervous about going to college today. I wish her the best, and also hope things go well with her parents and her current relational stress. I send you my best.
I've decided to change my gamer tag. Sb521 is dead. I'm changing to Swift. Don't ask why, it just is. Which leads me to another point, which is that with some small close inspection, I'm actually a very transparent person. What I wear and what I do are both extremely representative of how I feel. Besides the staple chain and watch, everything else represents something important to me. Almost nothing that I do is without purpose. I just hope someone I see often notices, because I really want someone to understand me. It's hard, being what people see as a "difficult" person to understand, when in all reality I'm probably the easiest. Maybe people just understand the random better than the systematic. Which is a shame. But I guess is also good for them. Take, for example, one of my friends. Be careful to note I'm not talking about myself. Really. Like, I'm not being sly or anything, I really am talking about someone besides me. So, anywho, this guy likes a girl. She knows. Because of this, when she walks into a room she expects him to flock to her like none other and hang off her every word. This never happens. No, first he goes and does something says hi to everyone else, and acts like he didn't see her. He finally gets around to saying hello to her. Now, I've heard that this doesn't make sense. If he likes her, he should make her a priority. Right? Wrong. Because he likes her, she'll almost never be first. Why? Because he doesn't want it to look like he likes her. Doesn't want people to take notice. Because of this, he pretends like his heart doesn't leap when they're in the same room, like his pulse doesn't rise from their short, friendly embrace. It makes perfect sense that if he likes her, and they're not a couple, he'll try his best to pretend like there's nothing happening to him. Maybe I can see it because I'm the same way. Trying not to let my emotions crowd out my logic and rule my life. But hey, maybe it's just the two of us. I'll never know.
Well, wasn't this a wide-spread post? I guess this is what I get for not posting in a while. Good thing I wrote this during my commute. Otherwise I'd probably have something else to occupy my time with. Well, I'll be writing, and hopefully become so immersed in my fabricated world that when I finally pull myself out of it that I'll leave a perfect place for my reader, and that they too can enjoy my fabrication. Roses are #FF000, and I've realized most of the world is a lie.
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