A drop of ink and flick of the pen leads to lies

Haven't posted in a while. So it's time for an update. I'm sure you know, but I've started writing a book. It's taking a bit more effort than I anticipated. I keep inadvertently changing tenses, past to present. It's getting annoying reading over what I've written and changing things back. But it's still nice. I need my test readers though because while I can clearly see what I mean when I write, I need to know that others can see it too. So they're important to me, and I am ever thankful. And, also, I should have a couple pages done by the month ending.

On another note, I finally got my PS3 Saturday. PS3 slim, 120GB model. It's nice. Got MGS4 for it, and just finished. That was an emotional ride. Most people don't see it this way, but it's really just like an interactive movie, and because of this you really start to care about characters and stuff. Anywho, that game is insane. A dual-layered Blue Ray disk and it still needs to install some of itself to the hard drive. Amazing. And it looks good. Very good. I'm gonna play through again and see if I can't beat it on every difficulty like I have for the other games. That's part of the reason I'm even good at games. Practice. Funny, most people don't think you have to practice for video games. But you do.

As always, I currently have people issues. I wonder, sometimes, that maybe if I stopped trying to make others happy, I'd finally succeed in doing just that. But then I realize that if I stop trying I'd just end up being selfish and rude. Not something I wanna be.

Got a new deck of cards. Been practicing my tricks, and I dare say that I've got enough for a short show. They're cool as all heck.

Maybe why I never have enough time is because I have too many hobbies. Writing, gaming, reading, coding, music, climbing, camping, paintballing, and all that other stuff. I wonder sometimes if I'm an outgoing Techie or just an outdoorsman that doesn't get enough opportunities to go out. That's why I started gaming and reading in the first place. Never got out much with friends and was uninterested with my families stuff, so I started drawing within, spending a lot of time lost in thought or in a world fabricated by some writer or game developer. Maybe that's why I even like the spread of things that I do. Most can be done alone, and almost all of them provide an escape from others, from the world. Even writing like this. My words paint the world that I currently choose to hide in. A blank landscape becoming lush green forests or claustrophobic urban environments, all with a flick of the pen and a few drops of ink. I wonder if it's bad that I can think this way about my life. Totally removed, as if I were just another character in a story. Which I am, we all are, but still. I wonder if I'll ever find someone who shares my opinions that I can be with. Most people don't understand this, but I crave friendship. People think I'd rather stay home and play games or read or something. While that's true of family activities, it's not for anything else. I'd rather go to the park with some friends and hang out than stay at home and read, write, or play. Oh well.

Speaking of writing, I think I'm gonna start another blog. Do some running commentaries on my friend Chris' blog, backing up his stories with verses and my own concepts. Throwing up a few of my own just for fun. Maybe. I'll get around to it.

So my friend Lexa is nervous about going to college today. I wish her the best, and also hope things go well with her parents and her current relational stress. I send you my best.

I've decided to change my gamer tag. Sb521 is dead. I'm changing to Swift. Don't ask why, it just is. Which leads me to another point, which is that with some small close inspection, I'm actually a very transparent person. What I wear and what I do are both extremely representative of how I feel. Besides the staple chain and watch, everything else represents something important to me. Almost nothing that I do is without purpose. I just hope someone I see often notices, because I really want someone to understand me. It's hard, being what people see as a "difficult" person to understand, when in all reality I'm probably the easiest. Maybe people just understand the random better than the systematic. Which is a shame. But I guess is also good for them. Take, for example, one of my friends. Be careful to note I'm not talking about myself. Really. Like, I'm not being sly or anything, I really am talking about someone besides me. So, anywho, this guy likes a girl. She knows. Because of this, when she walks into a room she expects him to flock to her like none other and hang off her every word. This never happens. No, first he goes and does something says hi to everyone else, and acts like he didn't see her. He finally gets around to saying hello to her. Now, I've heard that this doesn't make sense. If he likes her, he should make her a priority. Right? Wrong. Because he likes her, she'll almost never be first. Why? Because he doesn't want it to look like he likes her. Doesn't want people to take notice. Because of this, he pretends like his heart doesn't leap when they're in the same room, like his pulse doesn't rise from their short, friendly embrace. It makes perfect sense that if he likes her, and they're not a couple, he'll try his best to pretend like there's nothing happening to him. Maybe I can see it because I'm the same way. Trying not to let my emotions crowd out my logic and rule my life. But hey, maybe it's just the two of us. I'll never know.

Well, wasn't this a wide-spread post? I guess this is what I get for not posting in a while. Good thing I wrote this during my commute. Otherwise I'd probably have something else to occupy my time with. Well, I'll be writing, and hopefully become so immersed in my fabricated world that when I finally pull myself out of it that I'll leave a perfect place for my reader, and that they too can enjoy my fabrication. Roses are #FF000, and I've realized most of the world is a lie.