Delay

So, this isn't going to be a terribly long post. Really, it's just me wondering if I should run the risk of looking like a creeper to ask this girl on a date. The thing is, I know that unless I make it a point to go out and see her, I will never see her again. And I have no clue what she's like other than chatting for maybe half an hour. I thought I'd see her today and ask her, but I couldn't find her. So, yeah. To creep or not to creep. I really should've just asked her then and there, but the thought didn't occur to me until after the fact.

Promises

Humans are so fickle; we change our desires on a whim, and look at duty as a four-letter-word. "Duty? How profane and commonplace." We scoff, thinking it beneath us. Or, on the other side of the coin, above us.

It was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for



Duty is what needs to drive us. We are selfish creatures, all seeking for our own satisfaction. Yeah, you may help the poor, volunteer at a shelter for animals, or any other thing on the list of commonly accepted "Good Things", but why? Because it makes you feel good. What if that feeling disappeared? Would you still do it? Probably not. But duty. Responsibility. That is what would drive you on. You are responsible for the poor, sick, and homeless. It is your duty.
Likewise, it is your duty to stay pledged to the one you say you love. It astonishes me that divorce and cheating is so rampant in this society. When did it become unheard of to stay with the person you married? You've been married for 25 years and still love each other? Wow. Surprising, you kept your wedding vows.

It was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

That's a line from a song titled "Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson. Why do most people not hold this view anymore? It was a promise, and in the innocence we had as kids we believed promises were absolute. When did that stop? Should we not do that which we promise?

We need to make the choice to keep love alive in our relationships. It's not a feeling, it's actions. "I love you" means a lot less coming from someone who is never there for you, or leaves when the going is rough. That's what the promise is for, to keep you going when you think your feelings have changed. You'll never know your true love until you make it through the rough patches, so stick it out: there's happiness on the other side.

Paradigm Shift

Argh! Just read this article http://kotaku.com/5868595/nerds-and-male-privilege and it infuriated me, submitted this as a comment (might not even make it past the moderators) so I decided to post it here. Read the article, then this response:

I apologize for the TL;DR-ness, but your article was also quite long, so bear with me:

So while I appreciate the underlying ideas behind this article, I do (and I fully understand that this will cause my argument to become moot in the minds of some others) take offense at certain other points raised. Will I deny that seeing this portrayal of women in the mainstream of games is fine by me? No. Why? Because, wait for it: I am a male. That gender filter you claim has no validity for males is partially true. In the world, most of the time women are put through their gender filter. But you narrowed your scope to the gaming world, and, I believe, to hardcore gamers (or even more specifically, to games with a comic book/anime tie). If we widen the scope of this article to all life, we would be sitting around talking about how the masses assign others attributes based solely on outward appearances, so let's just stick with the gaming world.

Will I “acknowledge that a one-sided (and one-dimensional) portrayal of women is the dominant paradigm in gaming”? Yes. It is the dominant paradigm. We'll cover that later. Before I say what I have to say on that, we have to erase your idea that anything a straight male gamer says is invalid because he is a straight male gamer. According to you, if you are a male, then your argument is invalid because you are a male. What? You fiat that most male gamers are either horny twits or white-knight idolaters (thereby still being horny twits, because they are idolizing this dominant portrayal of women in games). In doing so you have built an iron-clad reason for yourself to not listen to any opposing ideas. This reason is fallacious, but that hasn't stopped many others throughout history from holding similar ideas of different topics.

All gamers, and I do mean all (males, females, and yes, even you who is taking the “side” of the female gamer group) gamers need to approach this with openness to ideas. Does that mean we all have to drop our old ideas? Not necessarily. Does this mean we need to be unbiased? Yes and no. It does us no good if (as you desire) only the male group drops their bias towards this paradigm. Then we lose all ground we might already have, we are walking into battle with no counter-arguments. You also need to drop your bias, and until then we will be locked into this debate until developers stop desiring fast money (fat chance) or female gamers accept the status quo (which, we can agree, is just a little messed up). Now, with that out of the way:

"Women are represented like this because you're a male!" you scream. This is true. And why? Because the developers want to cash in on that. However, you do seem to dismiss franchises that don't objectify the women in it. Dismissing a counter-argument simply because it is a common argument is not a good way to go about debating. You must listen, and must address, otherwise there can be no constructive change.

Now, the point I made above about this being an article about hardcore gamers holds. I know very few female hardcore gamers. Why is that? Because other female gamers I know disagree with the portrayal of women in these games? No. It is because (as far as I have discerned) they quite simply don't enjoy the games. WoW? Starcraft? TRPG's? Gears of war? God of war? Assassin's Creed? Metal Gear? The elder scrolls? Uncharted? Portal? Half Life? Mass Effect? All major money makers, considered to be the huge hits (and aside from portal, all considered to be hardcore games). Is it because of their lack of objectified women? No. Look at Miranda or Liara from Mass Effect, or Chloe from Uncharted. Even the overly-buxom characters in Japanese TRPG's like Disgaea. Shining examples of your point if I ever saw one. Heck, even the female deck hand in ME2 makes herself an object. Is it because of the characters obvious sex appeal that female gamers stay away? I think not. CoD or BF or Halo or CS? Hardcore, but male dominated. Why is that? Most female gamers I know don't find sitting around shooting people over and over fun, and I'm talking about gameplay, not harassment. It is gameplay thatt drives what games are played. If females found the game fun, I believe they'd play the game and just mute the chat, not stay away from games. On your point about the verbal harassment of the female players that do: I agree, that should stop. The “offers for sex, threats of rape, sounds of simulated masturbation or demands that [s]he blow the other players” is rude and offensive, and we as gamers need to be courteous and not do that. Chalk that up to being a dominantly male thing for so long, as well as those men lacking the sense to remember that's a human being on the other end of the headset. Those gamers need some tact and taste, but then again, those are also the insufferable alpha's in real life, not the beta's your article starts off mentioning. As an aside: your girlfriend was “decidedly not nerd curious” and yet you dragged her along to comic book stores? Nice.

Onward to two more examples: Metroid (but the zero suit! Pfft. Not core gameplay, just fanservice). Zelda. But wait, Zelda is all about Link, right? No. The entire point is that Link must go save Zelda (it just so happens in order to do that he must save the world). But wait, isn't it sexist to say that the man must go save the woman in these games? Maybe, if you don't take into account that this story type has been around for ages, and the majority of women are just fine with it when it's not in a game. That oh-so-common knight in shining armor fantasy comes to mind. Accepted as a book or movie but not as a game? That makes no sense. Also to be included in this list are many other RPG's, as well as many of the games listed in other comments here (let's not tread the same ground too much, yeah?). Is all fanservice then inherently wrong? No. Why? Because without fanservice, we wouldn't have good followups to IP's, or most innovation (note: by fanservice I mean all catering to the fanbase, not just the scantily clad females to cater to the male demographic you point out).

Look at the casual gaming market: it has exploded with a multitude of fun games that people of all ages and genders play. Is that because of no blatant objectification of women? No. It is because those games are FUN. I don't know a single person that has played Angry Birds that doesn't like it. Am I saying that hardcore console/pc games aren't fun? To me they're loads of fun. To others? They're not. Why? Personal taste. You're arguing at once a paradigm shift and a thought change, which puts you into a bind. In order for that paradigm shift to be accepted, you need to change the minds that drive the current paradigm. Forcing that change will do nothing. I think, that as long as developers keep making fun games, all demographics will stop caring what women are portrayed as, simply because we game for fun, not to look at scantily-clad women. Will that keep those types of characters out of games? Probably not. It doesn't matter, because as long as it's fun, people will buy it. But riddle me this: if men are so responsible for this idolatry, why do women strive to look like supermodels? Because women idolize that concept of “beauty” or “sex appeal” or whatever you want to call it as well. The entire game market is driven by the fans, who purchase based on what is fun, not based on how many half-naked women are in it. If developers didn't give fans what they wanted, they wouldn't be developing for very long. Developers need to cater to an audience (and then make money to keep themselves alive), and they can't continue to make that money without satisfying that audience. So, how do we change this common (not really, most games cleanly avoid your “pitfall” of objectifying women) objectification thread in video games? By changing the way people think about women? Well that's quite a novel idea. I think, at your arguments core, that's what you're getting at too. However, that change will happen slowly, over time, and it most definitely will not happen by claiming moral superiority (your “my ideals of what gaming should be” and if you disagree you're wrong) on one hand and trying to beat your “opponent” into submission on the other.

Social Norms

So if you remember my last post, I mentioned that I had to paint my toenails because I lost a bet. To be honest, at first I hated it. Now? I don't think it looks that bad. Plus, I still thinks it's awesome that they glow in the dark. Just why exactly is it that it's socially unacceptable for a straight male to wear nail polish unless it's black and they're a rocker/emo? The same could be said for a lot of things, really. I don't want to (doesn't seem comfortable/movement is greatly reduced) but heels used to be worn by men (renaissance era boots and such). Why no more? I hate dress shirts and usually stick to tee's, but they're all the same splatterings of color. Why is it so hard to find good, colorful artwork on a shirt (aside from a threadless one)? Because it doesn't look manly or something? Come on, seriously? If you attribute your manliness to the color clothes you wear, you need a new definition of manliness, stat. Just my random observation of the week there.

Next, ANIPLEX & FUNIMATION, Y U NO MAKE MORE EPISODES OF MY FAVOURITE ANIME'S? (Side note, why does my spelling of favourite show up as incorrect?) Seriously, you end them all after like one season, when the mainstream (and less interesting in my opinion) ones like naruto get 50 bazillion episodes and spinoff's. Shame on you guys.

I had something else to say, but I forgot it. Oh well. Until next time!

Quidditive

Hello there. This is going to be a jumble of thoughts, so if they randomly change without transitions don't kill me. Anyways, my brain has finally clicked and made a minuscule and at the same time massive distinction, and it was such a relief. It's going to make things a lot easier now, and hopefully I won't have anymore weird heart things going on anymore for the foreseeable future.

Also, I caved and ordered a nook. Should come in soon, and then I'm gonna spend a whole post telling you all about it. My two justifications for buying one? I wanted it, and it should save me money when I now buy e-textbooks and stuff.

Dirt

It's amazing how clean a bit of dirt can make you feel. I won't go into details, but while I still kind of feel like I did last post, a huge weight has been lifted from me. Whether or not it settles back down is yet to be seen, but for now, I'll take what I can get. It just gets hard sometimes, you know? Stuff from the past rears its ugly head, and you don't always have the easiest time knocking it back down. Dirt is great at doing that for you, puts the past in perspective.

Anyways, hung out with some friends tonight, hit up the BWW, went for a swim. A good time, if you ask me. Gonna hang out with Lexa on Tuesday, which should also be pretty fun.

Remember, Remember

I'm a coward. And a hypocrite. I hide behind my printed words, and never speak what I mean out loud. I sit and hope and think and brood and dream, and I pretend nothing is happening. Sometimes, I just wish someone would sit me down and not let me leave until I've told the whole truth about what I feel. That scares me. There are some things that I don't even want to admit to myself, let alone anyone else. There are some things I've even tried keeping secret from God, even though I know he knows all. My deepest, darkest secret is something I want to forever hide away and proclaim from the rooftops. I remember, and I wish I could forget. Ignorance really is bliss, but I am no longer ignorant. I. Am. Sad. And happy. Alone, and in a multitude. Cowardly, courageous, needy and aloof. I am a dichotomy, a true Taurus/Gemini (though I hold no stock in astrology). I want to share my secrets, but I'm too afraid to confide in anyone. I've been hurt, and have done my fair share of hurting, with a stone face and weeping heart. This is my journal, diary, confidant, sanity. And yet, I can't even tell it what I truly feel. I was trapped in the past tonight, and it was glorious and horrible. My own heart was revealed to me, and what I remembered made me want to forget, as well as lose myself. I hate that. Why can't I decide? Is my decision already made? Am I never supposed to decide? I don't know, but what I do know is that I'll live. It's easy to forget you're carrying weight when you've carried it for so long. And so, because I'm not strong enough to put down the weight, I'll carry it, and it will become slightly easier to handle. Good bye to night, and good morning to dawn.

Pre-Cornerstone

So, tonight is the night: pre-Cornerstone. I'll be glad for the thinking time, and i should be tweeting all week, but I just know what will dominate most of my thoughts, and that's kind of disappointing. Oh well. Once again, like last year, take a look at the set list and if you have a suggestion go ahead and DM it to me @leon_n_roses otherwise I'll just putz around. See you in the morning, if no other writing strikes me.

Refresh

So my brain is just a huge box of nothing right now. I think it's like a defense mechanism when I have too much stuff occupying my thoughts. I started work, Cornerstone in a week, girl stuff, gaming stuff, school stuff, future stuff... So much stuff. I want to just escape it all, you know? Good thing a refresh is coming up, where I don't have to think about anything I don't want to or do anything I'm not willing to. It's gonna be great.

Keep your mind clear, and ride the wave of life; things go better that way.

K

So, I was sitting down having a chat with a friend of mine, who I'll refer to simply as K. Now, K is one of my go-to's for almost everything, except one: relationship advice. We NEVER talk about it, beyond agreeing (or not) about a girl's attractiveness. Why? Well, to put it simply, K has never dated. This is something I kind of took as a fact of life, which is amusing and sad at the same time. Gravity pulls objects toward the earth, friction and resistance are in play everywhere, minecraft sucks up too much time, and K never dates. Imagine the internal riot of laughter (sorry K) when I discover why. K suffers from the irrational belief (and K knows that this is irrational) that if K goes to talk to any girl, that girl will immediately assume that K is attracted to them. And, so, unless they engage K or K has a really good reason to talk to them, a conversation will never start. In one sense, that works great. K is the ultimate player of hard-to-get. However, that's about the only (questionably) good thing it does. I felt like screaming "Just go talk to a girl! Do it!" But instead I simply stated those lines, and we both knew that that probably wasn't gonna happen. It works out in my favor though sometimes, albeit making me feel bad once in a while. K and I will occasionally be interested in the same person, and it's nice to have roughly no competition on that front. Sad for K, but good for me.

Birthday - Morning Post

Hello, dear readers. I have been fortunate enough to not have any one burst into my room wishing me a happy birthday while I'm trying to sleep. Yay! For my birthday, I am hosting my own personal minecraft server all day, which started today at midnight. Going to see my dad, then coming back for a party (and might even go to guitar center, though if not today then tomorrow). There are, of course, some people that I want to be there that won't, but some of that fault is mine for not inviting them. I guess, despite being in my 20's, I'm still afraid to take certain risks. Sometimes, I really hate my personality quirks. Sometimes, I feel like they hold me back. Then again, without them there'd be no "me" at all, so I guess I can live with it =)

Dedication

Hey guys. It's been a while, sorry about that. I need to set a time aside for blogging, just winging it isn't cutting it. Anywho, lately there's been quite a bit of re-dedication in my life. If you follow my Twitter Feed you'll know that I recently re-dedicated myself to my guitar. I got a book called Guitar Aerobics by Hal Leonard Publishing, and it's 365 days of guitar greatness. Bunches of little exercises and licks designed to make you a better player teaching you some scales and chords, but all in an applicable manner. Just about the only things I have been able to skip because they were too second-nature were the rhythm guitar lessons. Everything else is good practice for me (the book starts at beginner and takes you up to advanced). Tip: practice something until you can hold a conversation whilst playing it, then you'll know you have it down. My next re-dedication is to my artsy stuff, because I've just neglected it for too long. Also, lately (as I'm prone to do), I've had those annoying "relationship pangs" that whisper I should be in a relationship right now. For once in my life, I told them to take a hike. They've rallied forces, but I hope to send them packing soon enough. Also, even though this was kinda forced on me, I've dedicated myself to actually using my bike this summer (I got a new one, btw), and working more on my Parkour. To quote a friend, "Abs are made in the kitchen, not in the gym." While I know this to be true, I've gotta work on toning those muscles and gaining more. Partly so I can be vain and look in the mirror and say I look good, but also to gain mass and not be so weak (even though proportionally I'm pretty good in the strength department). On the plus side, I've finally broken 100lbs and can donate blood (something very important to me, because I've received transfusions before). Yay!

Rhythm

I had a revelation today. I'm sick, so I'm sitting at home bored. I decided to try and finish a song that I'm writing (still no title) and thought of a song I wrote last year around this time. Then I tried to record it in February, and celebrated single's awareness day. I wrote some of my book in March. Wanted a relationship in April, was indifferent about May, had the camping/music bug in June and July, wanted to ask a girl out in August and September. Wrote more book in October and November, and got excited, then bored, sketched, did art projects, and had an idea for more songs in December. It's been this way since at least my Junior year of high-school. I've fallen into a pattern, and I need to break out. I like my artsy moods and all, but they're holding me back from making much headway in any one thing. Thing is, I have no clue how to go about breaking the funk.

WikiLeaks & Me: Employing My Right To Be Informed

Edit: read this article too when you're done. I agree wholeheartedly: http://sofiaecho.com/2010/12/23/1016331_secrecy-is-the-problem-not-leakers

That's right, for once I'm talking politics. I've been avoiding doing a post on this for a while now, but I'll post now, because I want in on this moment in history. To preface, I started reading WikiLeaks before the press took a huge notice of it. I read the documents and cables, and I fully support the leaking of this material. There is a fine line between protecting people and withholding  information, and the State has crossed this line, in my opinion. Just to note: WikiLeaks has leaked much about other gov't secrets too, not just the U.S. Another note: to address the Julian Assange issue: while I have no comment as to whether or not he should be tried (or is guilty of) rape and exposing classified information, I will say that his guilt or lack thereof shouldn't impact how you view the documents that WikiLeaks as a whole has released. "Don't shoot the messenger", or in this case, the fact that the messenger might have dirty hands shouldn't colour your opinion of the message. Now: onto the meat.

This is largely an agreement with the Can't hide love for WikiLeaks article, and I suggest you go read it. Our government is throwing a fit over what Julian refers to as his "Forced Move", which are the leaks. They seek to keep our (the collective America) knowledge limited, making us mindless followers of our elected leader. "You elected him, let him do his job" is what I hear the U.S. say. I'm not advocating that we all become nutters who think the government is trying to keep us all complacent by tainting our food and things of that nature (I know some of those people, and I wanna punch them in the face), but I am saying take a good hard look at what information is being presented to you. Examine the leaks, examine the response given by the U.S. and by the world, and decide for yourself. Don't be a brainless idiot, because then those that want to keep information limited have already won. Don't let them keep secrets from their own citizens.

On secrets, I feel I have to make a point about democracy. In order for democracy to work, the State has to be transparent to its people. The voters cannot make good decisions unless we know exactly what is going on, even before it happens. I'm not saying that the State should turn to other countries and say "Hey! Here's all our secret information.", and that certainly is a danger of being transparent with its voters, but we are a democracy after all, and we need to make informed decisions. That information should be made accessible to us, it's our right. Whether or not we use it is up to us.

A quick note for twitter followers of WikiLeaks, And what really ruffled my feathers the other day, is the Twitter Subpoena for all the available information of everyone who followed them. This includes (if possible) the ip addresses, usernames, email addresses, phone numbers, addresses, real names, credit card info, and more of EVERYONE. Now, they're probably only using it to track the heads of WikiLeaks, but this poses an issue for me: I've always wondered if I'd ever need to hide my digital self from the State, and now it seems like I do. All because I did something like read information that should have been available to me in the first place, I may be on a watchlist. What's next? We round up everyone who has ever read a banned book? Knows how to secure information? Use encrypted communications? It seems rather far-fetched, and I hope it never comes, but what  if it does? There's talk of the U.S. wanting to give every American a digital ID, so they can follow what we do on the internet (the claim is so they can help fight fraud, which it would indeed do). If it comes to that, what will the uninformed mass do? Go right along with it I suppose. But I hope not. I hope we realize that some things are a bit too private, even though that may sound hypocritical. It isn't though. A democracy requires that our State be transparent, not the voters. That's what our bill of rights is for. I can honestly say that I grumbled when I learned of the Patriot Act. Allowing our government to search without warrant and detain without probable cause? That's a bit much. And yet, it was passed by both the House and the Senate swiftly. Where were our masses then? Remaining uninformed, I presume.

I guess, if you've actually bothered reading this far, your takeaway should be to be informed. Don't let all your media come from only one source. Read WikiLeaks, visit the BBC website, all that stuff. Even if it's boring, if it pertains to your privacy, read it.

One final thing: for those of you that don't read WikiLeaks, give it a go. Get informed. They have over 1,000 mirrors, but you can find them easiest at http://213.251.145.96

Secrets & Lies of 2010

Apologies for the late posting. I got tired yesterday. Anywho, this list is an attempt for me to start the year off fresh. At least, as fresh as I'm mildly-uncomfortable being. What follow are the secrets I've kept and the lies I've told in 2010, which I'm (as I mentioned earlier) mildly-uncomfortably admitting. Those secrets which I deem too sensitive didn't make it to the list, and I hope that you the reader will respect that, as I try and respect those who tasked me with their keeping. Some secrets/lies have been held back so as not to hurt others, and I hope you can respect that as well. Now, without further ado, here are the Secrets & Lies of 2010:

• I listen to music that I wouldn't normally just to connect with others.
• I write this blog for my readers as much as myself. No readers, no blog.
• The whole week before I go to the beach or pool, I do only ab workouts: just to look good.
• I have many unpublished songs and thrown-out stories, because they (in my opinion) either suck or are too personal.
• I only send cards to a select few people.
• Some of my friends really piss me off sometimes.
• Some of my friends really sadden me sometimes.
• I lie to myself when I say I'm no longer attracted to my ex.
• When I play my guitar, I feel an emotional release that's like a high to me.
• Sometimes I think I suck as a singer, sometimes I think I kick ass.
• I stopped putting on cologne because I have no one to put it on for/no one would notice the difference.
• I really do hate wearing dress clothes.
• I didn't practice my violin nearly as much as I would've liked.
• I hate that I'm not heavy enough to donate blood.
• Sometimes I wish my pastor would stop asking me how God has brought me some emotion, and just let me feel the damn things.
• I know I'm being two-faced when in my heart I wish one thing, but outwardly I say I wish another. I hate that, but I don't want to kill someone else's happiness. At least, that's what I tell myself.
• I have virtually no means of self-motivation, unless I tie it to an emotion or a social interaction.
• I get nervous a lot. I just think I hide it well.
• I care about relationships way more than others know I do.
• Sometimes I really wish I could relive some of my life, just because those times were amazing.
• I use a quill because it forces me to think before I write. And it looks nice.
• Sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if I had no morals.
• There are some things that I really want to add to this list, but I don't want to hurt anyone.
• There are some things that I really want to add to this list, but I'm afraid what people would think.

Well, that's as much as I feel mildly-uncomfortable sharing, so there it is.

Word Vomit

So, I have a lot to cram in here, so I'll be as brief as possible about all of it:

First: I have an x-mas gift for you Lexa, but I'm afraid the postal service might steal it like last time.

Second: I've come to really like kinetic typography. This is the video that made me like it (and enjoy language so much more):

and I took a stab at it:

Third: I got some awesome recording stuff. More on that in another post.

Fourth: this is twofold from something I stumbleupon-ed. The first is from Men's Health things guys want girls to know: Don't play hard to get, if you like us let us know. Stemming from this is the second thing: Girls say that if a guy thinks she's worth it, we'll go after her. I cheked with a friend of mine named Mike, and he agrees that this logic is flawed because a) we don't want to appear as stalkers, and b) how are we supposed to "just know" if a girl is playing hard-to-get or legitimately rebuffing you? Just a thought. Oh, and another thing (guess that makes it threefold): it would be so much easier if after you knew you had no shot at a girl you stopped liking her (just for clarity, I feel urged to say I am speaking in general terms here, not necessarily of myself). That way you don't go insane. Well, that's all for now. See you soon!

Really Long, Inadequately Titled Post

Hey guys! So, as you may or may not know, I play music live on a regular basis. Every Thursday and Sunday to be exact. We've finally restarted practicing on Tuesday nights, and today's practice was for an opening of our new loft area at church. It's pretty dang sweet. You guys are all invited, here's the facebook event link: Loft Event. Pictures of our 98% finished loft:

This event is going to be awesome. I'll be playing my new bass, there will be tons of music, most likely free coffee, all that jazz. On another note, there's been something that I've been putting off doing, which is telling you how stuff panned out after the Freedom post from 7/11. To put it simply, it didn't. But, as I said in the post (and which I've been re-thinking and decided I still feel the same way) I'm perfectly fine with it not panning out. I was, and still am, satisfied with just making that first move. And, to be really honest, that makes me feel really good about myself because last year I would not have said that. It would've thrown me straight in the dumps. I don't know what to attribute this feeling to, but whatever it is is really cool. Finally, here's my last update on my Summer Checklist:

- Get at least halfway through writing my book.
     I didn't even get close to this, but I did do some work, and I will continue to do so. I will also continue with this for this year's NaNoWriMo, so I might even get it done before the year is out, If I apply myself to it.
- Learn to palm flip
     Didn't happen.
- to palm spin
     Didn't happen.
- to wall flip
     Didn't happen.
- to wall front flip
     Didn't happen.
- to Kip-up
     Almost happened! I'm so close, I hope to be able to do this really soon.
- to cartwheel (I still can't do one. At all.)
     Didn't happen.
- Run a 6 minute mile (sprint speed, not average speed)
     I'm not sure if this happened. I haven't tried, but I did do a lot of running this summer.
- to Kong Vault
     Didn't happen.
- to Speed Vault
     Happened!
- to Dash Vault
     This too!
- to run up a 10' wall (I can only do a 9' or so now, whatever height Mike is with his arms raised above his head plus 6")
     I can do 9'6", so better, but not my goal.

Now, onto stuff I did accomplish, but wasn't on my list:

• Made it more than halfway through language set 1 for Japanese.
• Started learning how to read people's bodily expressions.
• Bought a bass.
• Actually practiced my Violin on a consistent basis. I still suck, but I'm better than I was.
• Hung out. This is a rather new development, I've never really hung out before 2009 or so.
• Didn't stress out over a girl for the first time since like 2007.
• Learned a lot of new classical songs on my guitar.
• Got some semblance of abs, not just the natural abs you get from being über skinny.

Well, that's all for now. See you later!

Freedom

Second Edit: She did.
Edit: I think she just said yes.

I've just done one of the most idiotic, 6th-grader-ish things I've ever done. I asked someone out it what is probably the lamest (and slightly ambiguous) way possible. And you know what? Before I did it, it was one of the biggest things ever. Now that it's done? I could care less. I don't mean that in a bad way. Not at all. I'd be rather happy if she felt the same way. But if she didn't? I'd be perfectly fine with a flat no. I have no illusions to be broken, and no fear of rejection. I don't know when or how those things happened, but it's so freeing. The best way that I know how to describe it is this: have you ever gone climbing? Either on a rock wall or technical? If not technical, have you ever just gone on a hike in the woods? You start off, and if you're anything like me, you think through almost every possible scenario. Up until you set out there's an electricity that flows, at once scary and amazing. And then, you start. And once you start, you don't really care where the road leads. All that matters is that you started, and where you are. The road (or wall) will end where it ends, and if you have to take some breaks to get there, that's just fine. You're content with where you've gone, and you're ok with leaving with your experience, because you can always climb or hike again. Maybe in a different place, with different terrain, or shelf, or grade, but the journey still holds the same adventure, the same electricity. And there's peace in that. That peace is what I'm feeling. And so now that that first move has been made, whether it turns into something or not, I'm happy.

Week End & Relational Musings

So, when all is said and done, I heard a lot of great music, met many great bands, and got three t-shirts, a guitar strap, and a good cd out of the week. A twloha write shirt, and alive shirt by the same, and the Cornerstone 2010 microphone shirt. You'll probably -if you know me in person that is- see me wearing them at some point.

Now, I don't know if this is only me, so any male readers I may have please speak up on this: why is it that between the time you decide to ask someone out and the time that you actually do so you begin to over-analyze? It's like we're looking for excuses to not follow through. The slightest inflection change starts to provoke thought. Well, not really, but you get my point, right? It's stupid! And yet we do it anyways. Wouldn't it be so much easier if you just knew? And not in the the girl drops hints so subtle you'd need an accelerometer to pick up on them (which isn't to say that girls don't believe they're being clear. We just don't understand most of those "hints") kind of way. I mean in the put-up-a-billboard-declaring-interest kind of way. Yeah, so the girl runs the risk of appearing a bit outgoing. That's not really a bad thing. On the flip side is that the girl may think that making us play the game is really fun, and if we won't play we're not worth their time. And that can be true sometimes. But better hints would be nice. At the very least.

Worst That Could Happen

So I've finally decided, I'm gonna stop worrying about whether or not she is interested in me, and the next time I see her I'm just gonna ask her out. Worst that could happen is she'd say no and I possibly end up creating an awkward friendship, right? On second thought, worst that could happen is she says yes but doesn't really like me. Oh well. Something to worry about later. Right now, all I'm gonna worry about is building up my nerve. Here's hoping, yeah?